kids without shoes

maths i live by

2008-09-20T16:07:00.005+12:00

When I move out, I'm almost certainly going to struggle to eat well. There's a big chance that I won't learn fast and actually end up eating cereal for every meal. I'm actually okay with that scenario. That's because it's good maths. Microwaveable meals, pizzas, porridge, burgers, fry-ups and the like are also all examples of good maths too.

Y'see, I live by an equation when it comes to eating: t<e= positive, while t>e= negative.

In this equation, the time that it takes to make the food (t) should always be a smaller unit of time than the time it takes to eat the food (e). If you spend 2 hours cooking a meal that takes you 10 minutes to eat, then this is a poor trade off. This has been an ineffective use of your time in the day. However, if you cleverly prepare a meal, such as a microwaveable pie that takes 2 minutes to heat up, and then approximately 10 minutes to consume, then you have not only cut down the amount of time in your day given over to food, but you have also received more bang for your buck. Good maths.

I have lived by this equation for a significant amount of my life, which would explain why everytime I live by myself, I buy food, live off cereal and invite female friends over to cook for me. I have only started telling others about this equation over the last 12 months, and 100% of people told disapprove of it. Perhaps I will find some others who see the unsearchable logic?

Of course, here I have chosen not to factor in other variables, such as cooking with friends, or cooking for friends. That's where the maths get sticky and I would end up with horribly complicated equations that would mean I would spend more time trying to figure it out than actually implementing it. Again, bad maths.

Some may call this hyper-pragmatism.

Some may call this laziness.

To those people I say: yeah. Fair enough. I have been too mothered.

Post of the Day - Stacey, please write a book.

hey who are ya

2008-09-14T19:11:00.001+12:00

"man is born free and everywhere he is in chains" "we are bruised and broken masterpieces, but we did not paint ourselves" "we are God's unwanted children" "man is something to be overcome" "apes with ego trips" "noble savages" "man is a useless passion" "we are illusions" "made in the image of God" "man is but a whisper" "we are all water" "a pig in a cage on antibiotics" "man is a complex biochemical machine" "the glory of God is man fully alive" "a wretch like me" "beautiful tragedies" "we are all made of stars" "I decide who I want to be" "made me a man but who cares what that is"

Just take a look at all the different voices selling us different interpretations as to what and who we are. The media is full of contradictory, hopeful, depressing, optimistic, nihilistic, dignifying and profoundly undignified pictures of what it really means to categorise yourself as 'human', and philosophy is much the same. The conversation as to what defines our humanness is incredibly important right now, when frightening ethical decisions have to made as to when we begin, and where we end, and at what point someone steps out of their potentiality into their actuality as a human. Every picture of humanness offers an ideal and some of these ideals are dead ends.

It seems to me that generally, we have no idea what it means to be a human, let alone how to live as one. In most cases, it seems that we define ourselves as whatever we want to be. We don't know what our true identity is, so we tend to look for identity in being a punk, a metal-head, an indie kid, a scholar, a sexual preference, a New Zealander, a soccer player, a musician, or heaven forbid, a Christian. I want to suggest that these catergories are helpful for communicating personalities but we are still no closer to finding out who we are through them.

We live in a world that presents a barrage of ideas telling us how best spend our time and live well. Do we matter only when we are loved or love another? Do we matter only when we are the best at something? Do we matter only when we hold to a certain belief system? When we are part of a certain community? When we are high enough up the social ladder? When we are aesthetically pleasing or an acceptable candidate for procreation? Take a look at the answer Muse gives in their song, "Butterflies and Hurricanes":

Best,
You've got to be the best
You've got to change the world
And you use this chance to be heard
Your time is now

Perhaps though, Bob Dylan was closer to the mark in suggesting that we don't really know how to articulate what our essence is:

How many roads must a man walk down
Before you can call him a man?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.

Genesis 1 frames man's place in reality, saying that "God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." He affirms the dignity and diversity of humanity by forming human beings in his own image in two distinct but equal reflections of His own nature. The wisdom literature in the Bible then goes on to try and paint a picture of a well lived human life in light of the wealth of experiences that a human life will be confronted with, dealing with suffering, affirming sexuality, giving instruction, finding meaning and seeking to understand the nature of God.

As the reader begins to immerse themselves in these images of living, they may begin to ask the question: what would it look like for someone to actually live like this? To embody these attitudes and perspectives? To embrace these understandings and interact with the world they are in?

We now have this picture in the person of Jesus, the wisdom of God personified. We no longer simply a series of suggestions and helpful tips and maybe a few life rules, but a man to look at and see what a truly human life looks like. He is the answer to the question, and that's why immersing ourselves in the story of his life, and understanding what he meant when he did and said things and why is incredibly important.

What constitutes the proper end, or telos, of human formation depends on the ultimate story we tell of what human beings are and what human beings are called to be. The Christian story specifies that human beings are creatures whose ultimate telos is to image their creator and be conformed to the image of his Son. Different stories obviously envision different ends for humanity. So what constitutes good or proper formation must be determined in relation to the particular founding narrative that we confess tells the truth about the world and the human condition. (James K.A Smith, Who's Afraid of Post Modernism,p103)

awkward moments in growing up #2

2008-09-11T19:50:00.005+12:00

Unfortunately, everything in this post is true.

Until my experience helping out at a disabled camp in 2006, you could say that I was a little bit freaked out by people with serious disabilities. It was a xenophobic thing I'm sure, but regardless, I kept my distance from people that I thought would make me too uncomfortable. I have a feeling this had something to do with an experience I had in year 3, when I was emotionally scarred by someone with down syndrome.

It was back when I was a wee lad, about 8 years old at the time, perfectly innocent, with an imagination bigger than most. I didn't have many friends, just a little gang that I made up with two really strange little guys, called the 'Dodo gang'. We were pretty cool. Had an official Dodo gang dance and everything. Quite the crowd pleaser.

One day though, a young guy with downs syndrome, named David, joined our class. Now I was little and didn't know anything and to be honest was kind of scared of him. I kept my distance because I didn't know what to do.

It just so happened that one day he decided to frame me. I was having the time of my life playing by myself on the monkey bars when this little obnoxious scottish girl marched up to me, and because of her ridiculous accent I couldn't work out what she was saying to me. I thought she asked 'Someone taught a little boy to swear, shall I go tell the teacher?' I think I said 'Sure, go for it!'. I soon found out later that what she had said was 'David said that you taught him how to swear, shall I go tell the teacher?'

Not good.

Despite my protesting that I didn't ever go near him, let alone know any swear words, the teachers insisted that I was never to go near him again, and I wasn't allowed to talk to him until I left that school.

I still feel so misunderstood.

Now I'm studying to be a teacher, and soon I will be making a living out of corrupting innocent minds for real.

show them what they lack

2008-09-09T20:23:00.001+12:00

In my little church (Grace Church Auckland - you can find it in the sidebar) I have lead a little small group since the beginning of the year. Some may call these life groups, home groups, ekklesia groups, home church, mid week meetings, bible study, koinonia club, fellowship, support ring, meditation station, and we even thought about calling our group 'Das Zuper Uber Groupentagen Danke' at one stage. It has been a really interesting experience so far, and one that I really felt under qualified going into. Trying to lead a group into a meaningful community was quite a daunting idea (and still is in a lot of ways!) - we only have three small groups in the church, this one is the biggest and I am the youngest in it, some people are 35!

Because our church is still pretty young, we've spent most of our time getting to know eachother and building community before we do anything else. Now the church is moving into a time of being a bit more outward focussed and finding our feet and what it means for us to be missional. The responsability was put on us small group leaders to mobilise our groups into how were going to bless the city, introduce people to the gospel, and be more outward focussed as a small group of people. So there was a lot of talk and prep from me about the fact we were going to do this, but in truth, I had no idea what this was going to look like. At all. Which is always good.

I was reading late one night the other night while thinking about this, when I felt really stirred that God wanted to speak to me, so I went for a walk. I got down to the beach and was looking out across my beautiful city, and my mind wandered, as it tends to do. I started thinking about my experience in the Ukraine (which you can read about here) and I took notice of this and started to think about the trip and all that I learned.

I found in my trip that although these people had nothing by the standards of the West, they had so much more than we did. They had nothing, yet gave everything that they had, and valued eachother - relationships were the most important part of life. I found that although I had far more materially, I lacked so much spiritually in comparison. I felt God clearly speak to me about the North Shore through this and say 'show them what they lack'.

The North Shore of Auckand is one of those rare spots in the world that has everything going for it. It has beautiful beaches, it's a comfortable distance from the CBD, and people generally have disposable incomes. Basically, life tends to be pretty comfortable for people who live where I live. So what do you do for people who "don't need anything"? How do you offer people something that will probably look like just another add on, or an annoying inconvenience? Maybe by demonstrating a community that is dancing to the beat of another drum, a community that looks beyond image, personality, intellectual ability and maturity. Maybe the trick is to show people how hollow these individualistic, consumerist stories are, and show them what these stories are robbing them of.

I'm still thrashing this idea out, but the stuff I've been reading seems to run along the same sort of lines. James K.A. Smith, in his book "Who's Afraid of Post Modernism?" writes:

The first and chief defense of the gospel, the first 'letter of commendation' not only for Paul but for Jesus, is not an argument but the life of the church conformed to Christ by the Spirit in service and suffering. The church doesn't have an apologetic; it is an apologetic.

I think I need to listen more.

what is man that you are mindful of him?

2008-09-06T16:31:00.000+12:00

It would be great if people could write some reflections on this.

The more I learn, the more I realise that I know nothing at all. The more I discover about the world, the more it saddens me and amazes me. I have learned to appreciate the goodness and have discovered more of the ugliness in the process. A lot of the time, this world scares the life out of me, but then continues to astound me with its beauty.

The way I see it, we are flung into this life with less than a clue what this world is all about, we have to figure out who we are, what we are, what we're doing, who God is, what we want, how to make the most of our time, what's right, what's wrong and what's best. We live with questions and tensions, longings and frustrations, and sometimes we're not able to tell which is which. Figuring out what this life is all about is a lifelong vocation and sometimes incredibly overwhelming.

Lately I've found myself standing and looking out at the ocean, amazed at how much I've learned in such a small amount of time, and how complex life is. I feel like I have more questions than ever, I miss not having to know stuff, and I miss being happy with living off the little I did know. I miss having a picture of the world that was friendlier and less harsh, and I miss not having to confront the big questions that underpinned the way I lived. In a way, I guess I miss the freedom of being a child.

I don't think I've ever felt so unsettled and challenged, but at the same time, I don't think I've ever felt more sure that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm digging and learning and I've never felt more alive.

Often when I have these moments sitting by the tide, I'll be listening to the psalms, and thinking about just how insignificant I am in the scheme of things. I'm just one human being in the scheme of things, trying to work things out, and trying to get to know a God that has been around in the experience of every human being that has ever lived. All this foundation shaking stuff has driven me towards this God. It's quite a humbling thought and this psalm has been one of my favourites.

O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. Out of the mouth of babies and infants, you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger.

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.

You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet, the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea, whatever passes along the paths of the seas, all sheep and oxen, and also the beasts of the field.

O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!

Psalm 8

awkward moments in growing up #1

2008-09-04T23:55:00.000+12:00

Unfortunately, everything in this post is true.

When I was in year seven, things were very different. For starters, I was eleven years old, had a terrible hairstyle (gelled down curtains), was slightly podgey, really short and looked about 9 years old and probably acted that way too. I was very much a kid. I wasn't what one would refer to as a 'chick magnet' by any means.

Today I would like to draw your attention to one of my more painful memories. During that year - my first year of secondary school - I didn't really understand girls at all, but I knew a nice one when I saw one. I found myself taking on a bit of a liking to a certain girl. Her name was Zowie and she was probably the best looking, coolest girl in our year. All the guys had a thing for her. For some reason I decided to let her know about my feelings towards her. I don't know what I was thinking.

It came to Valentines day, and I wanted to get her something. So I stole money from my mum's handbag, bought a box of maltesers and wrote her a poem, which I then stuck on top of the box. It went like this:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
You hate me
But I love you.

My friends, this is poetic genius at it's best. I was so timid and shy that I had my friend take this to her and I proceeded to hide in an English room for the rest of the day. Y'see I had understood what it meant to like a girl, but not how to talk to one, and this gap was a problem. Now that I was faced with such a fearful task of step 2 in this communication of my appreciation, I found myself wanting.

What I hadn't banked on was the reaction I was to receive.

Zowie's twin sister came and found me, and instead of thanking me on her sister's behalf, she began to tell me that her sister in fact thought I was a strange boy, who had issues and looked like a rat. I was crushed. It took me years to pick myself back off the floor.

I have many questions about my formation in my former years, one of them hangs over how much of an effect this episode had on my confidence and subsequent interactions with humans of the female genre.

The good news is my poetry has got better.

the church in Auckland = Christianity vaccine?

2008-08-31T14:23:00.001+12:00

Inoculation introduces a mild form of a disease into a body, thereby stimulating the growth of antibodies and rendering the person immune to getting a full-blown version of the sickness. In the same way, post-Christian society contains unique resistance and "antibodies" against full-blown Christianity. For example, the memory of sustained injustices that flourished under more Christianized Western societies has become an antibody against the gospel.

Christianity was big back when blacks had to sit at the back of the bus and when women were beaten up by men without consequences. We've tried out a Christian society and it wasn't so hot. Been there. Done that.

In a society like ours, most people only know of either a very mild, nominal Christianity or a separatist, legalistic Christianity. Neither of these is, may we say, "the real thing." But exposure to them creates spiritual antibodies, as it were, making the listener extremely resistant to the gospel. These antibodies are everywhere in our society.

This is an extract from an essay written by Tim Keller, in a book I just read called "The Supremacy of Christ in a Postmodern World". The book itself is an interesting collection of essays dealing with how to translate the Gospel to a postmodern society. The book wasn't full of profundities, but it was a valuable insight into how some of the most influential pastors in America are seeking to continue to communicate the Gospel to the cultures they find themselves in today.

This quote in particular stuck out to me. As someone who really loves the city of Auckland and wants to see the best for it, I will often be thinking hard about how to best show the city who Jesus is. This thinking hard often also involves a lot of agonizing at the present state of Auckland Christendom and the damage I know that has been done. I remember back in sixth form, I was part of a Christian group that turned people away at rapid speed, often conning people into our meetings with promises of free stuff, and then preaching Hell to them (that was me once). I'm not saying Hell shouldn't be preached, but conning people in is a very slippery way of doing business.

I don't want to be overly critical, but I feel as though some of the more significant churches (although great at what they do for the most part) preach a watered down gospel that looks incredibly attractive from the outset (especially with a professional Sunday show), but then offers something very superficial on the inside.

I talk to a lot of people who have been completely turned off and inoculated by this incredibly transparent approach, and also a lot of Christians that the church seems to have failed in regard to being real and tackling issues of real substance that go beyond Jesus making me feel better about myself. The evidence is a large number of wanderers of which I am becoming increasingly aware is a larger number than I thought.

I would like to soften the negativity of this post with a great quote from Augustine:
Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are anger and courage; anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain the way they are.

the parable of the fisherman

2008-08-29T11:27:00.000+12:00

A businessman was at the pier of a small coastal village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The businessman complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The fisherman replied only a little while.

The American then asked why he didn't stay out longer and catch more fish.

The fisherman said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.

The businessman then asked, but what do you do with the rest of your time?

The fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, spend time with my wife, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my friends. I have a full and busy life, my friend."

The businessman scoffed, "I am well educated and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat, with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to a city where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The fisherman asked, "But how long will this all take?"

To which the businessman replied, "15-20 years."

"But what then?"

The businessman laughed and said "That's the best part. When the time is right you would sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions? Then what?"

The businessman said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, spend time with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your friends."

I love it the way that short, simple stories like this can have the ability to bring home some of the most profound reminders about life. Too often I tuck myself away in my room, or block out conversations with people because I don't want them to get in the way of my thought processes. Sometimes I will sit amongst a crowd, or in a car with others and choose to read instead of talking, and the more I think on it, the more I'm beginning to see how ridiculous that can be.

I read and study, and think about ideas, especially those that are more theological in nature because through my understandings of the Gospel, I want to bless those around me and have something of substance to offer people in conversations. I want the message of Jesus to lead me to a place of compassion for the world, and to be moved to take time for people. But in the process of going after this, I find myself in self-defeating patterns when I act in a way that contradicts this aim in order to achieve it.

Basically, I feel that sometimes my life is a re-enactment of this parable, on a slightly less simplistic scale. In my effort to offer the world something good through my life, I am denying that same privilege to the people around me now. I have effectively split my life into sections of 'meaningful activity' and 'not so meaningful activity' - and the funny thing is, I'm beginning to see that the latter is perhaps the former most of the time. I caught myself thinking along similar lines when someone brought a baby into class at uni, and the baby proceeded to make a bit of noise. I began to think in my head "Don't they know that this is getting in the way of my education?" and then realised that perhaps I had limited my view of education simply to learning concepts in a lecture. Perhaps a more important form of education was to be found in me learning how to live in community like that.

So I'm going to change my way of thinking and make the most of those unexpected moments in life where I find myself confronted with the things that I won't want to forget. To give up a night of reading to spend time with a friend, to let go of my own agenda in conversations and listen out for what the person really needs to hear. To not miss out on times to make a difference in someone's life in my efforts to achieve exactly the same thing.

Okay, back to the books.

a date with Bill Johnson

2008-08-26T23:47:00.000+12:00

Last night I had the opportunity to go and listen to Bill Johnson, a well known guy from the States, courtesy of my good friend, Jeremy. I still don't know much about Bill Johnson, but I've been told that he's a big deal and likes to see people healed miraculously, something I don't know much about, or have given much thought to. What I did know, however, was that the setting I was going to walk into was far more charismatic than I'm used to, with significant pentecostal slurs abounding. In other words these are the sort of meetings that will freak the average white, middle class, North Shore boy out. I however, was brave and walked in there like I was just like everybody else.

Now, sure, there were a few things that were sensationalised and I will admit that there did seem to be a bit of emotionalism around, but I was impressed by the amount of people that seemed to be genuinely passionate about God and wanted Him to know that too. The only things I am able to critique are the sermons that I hear, because they can be reasoned with.

The gist of Bill's sermon on courage went something like this:

Romans 15 v19 says that to preach the Gospel fully, there must be signs and wonders. This is not an option. If there are no signs and wonders then we haven't preached the Gospel fully.
Most people are just one encounter away from good theology (actual quote).
In Acts 14 we see Peter preaching in boldness.
In 1 Samuel 14 we see a remarkable act of courage by Jonathan and his armour bearer, and through that, God moved. Therefore, if we are courageous in our lives, God will move too.
Miracles are living entities (actual quote). I can't remember which verse he got this from, but he argued that miracles were actual beings that are eternal, not just for a certain point in time. He also said that we need to find the spots that these miracles happened and tap into the grace there, which he described as heavenly energy. In other words, we have to "access those realms of courage" to do amazing things, and he used the example of Eleazar, David's warrior, being able to continue in battle because he happened to be in the same spot that David had slain Goliath.
Cultures are changed by stories of courage, and courage changes the identity of the complacent.
"Your will be done" means that Heaven is brought down to Earth, in the form of glory being manifested. What he seems to mean by this is that people are healed and signs and wonders happen. So essentially, God's will is for signs and wonders to happen.
There was a lot of talk about 'breakthrough' and 'breakthrough anointing' which if I'm honest, I didn't understand. In fact, I have no idea what that means.

Now, there are a lot of things there that I have questions about, particularly questions of interpretation of Scripture, and theories derived from Scripture, but I think my main concern is that of emphasis. At the conference I went to in England last month, Mark Driscoll talked about some of the concerns he had with charismatic theology. These were:

1. Focus on the wrong person - the tendency to focus on the Spirit, instead of Jesus
2. Focus on the wrong event - the tendency to focus on Pentecost, not death and resurrection
3. The aim of life is health and wealth, and there can often be no place for pain and suffering.
4. Funny ideas about what it means to be Spirit filled and Spirit lead.
5. Worship can be all about us and God, with a tendency to neglect the worship that goes out to culture.

Now, I can see bits of all of these in Bill's theology (or the little bit of theology I was exposed to anyway), but the thing that most concerned me was his emphasis on 'courage'. I don't have a problem with people speaking about courage - in fact, I think that's a great thing. What I don't like is when people make grand, sweeping statements like 'And that was Jesus' main aim' or 'That's what the gospel is all about.' That immediately makes me cringe and think 'Buddy, if you think you can sum up all the wisdom of God in one statement, then you really haven't got it at all.'

With Bill Johnson, it felt like he was wanting to present the Gospel as something that was primarily about courage and signs and wonders, and using Jesus merely as an example of this. In other words, he was 'majoring' on courage and the miraculous and 'minoring' on Jesus. The funny thing is, in 4 days I have heard 3 men make very similar statements about the main aim of Jesus - one said it was evangelism, another has now said it was signs and wonders, and another that it was fulfilling the role of the Messiah. Now they can't all be truly 'prime aims' of Jesus, they all contradict each other in that sense. What we are seeing is different pieces of the puzzle being lifted up as the the 'right' emphasis, and that can't be done.

I think Bill Johnson is seeing a neglect of this part of Christianity in the Western world, and is combating that. I would agree that it needs to be addressed and taken seriously, but not at the expense of the true focus of the Gospel. Let's major on Jesus, and minor on miracles. Regardless, it's good to be reminded of the bits of the life of Jesus that you don't let yourself think seriously about that often.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

cancer - just how do you plan it, shakers?

2008-08-24T17:41:00.000+12:00

The blogs are ablaze with the actions of Mike Guglielmucci. To cut a long story short, this guy was the youth pastor of 'Planetshakers' (a major church in Australia), a charismatic preacher and worship leader and an inspiration to many. For the last two years he has been documenting his battle with bone cancer, and wrote the song 'Healer' - which in turn has become a sort of faith anthem for a lot of people. His story has moved a lot of people and drawn many closer to God, and his appearance on the new Hillsong DVD was particularly memorable, as this inspirational young man came on stage to sing with an oxygen tank in tow. On Tuesday it was found that this cancer was in fact a fake, and has left many reeling in hurt and distrust.

If I'm honest, when I first found out, there was a part of me that was pleased. My attitudes towards big, performance based churches has been less than noble in the past at times, and when I heard the news I immediately thought "Hopefully this will mean that less people will be sucked into the hype of meetings like that and not put their trust in these Christian-celebrities, relying on Jesus-emotion to get them through. Maybe now some good questions will be asked."

I don't really want to go into what I think about Mike's actions, plenty of people have passed judgment on what he did wrong morally, and I would just be adding to the noise. Besides, I am in no place to preach about integrity and being a hypocrite. I think he was extremely brave in some ways is a real example of humility in his admission. I'm more interested in the consequences and what it means for the people affected. There are certainly many people who are hurt by the actions - prayer vigils had been held all over Australia, donations had been made towards his treatment, and countless others had found hope in his story. Now I'm sure that they are feeling really betrayed and used. For those cynics of Christendom, this is just further ammo and reason not to trust Christian leaders and the message they bring - the 'God experiences' of many have just been effectively nullified to them. We could be feeling the repercussions of this fraud for a long time.

What gets to me most though, is the way in which suffering was trivialised. It sounds as though Mike has psychological problems and completely believed in his condition at times (there are reports of him showing genuine symptoms like clumps of hair falling out, nose bleeds and violent fevers) and I can only assume that the pressure of having the position he held forced him to act out of desperation. But whatever the case was, he effectively used cancer for his own ends, for abusing the power of pathos, and sucked people in via their compassion. I have had family members die due to cancer - one that has battled for years and continues to battle with it, and friends that have been affected by it significantly. It makes me feel sick the way he faked what they have had to deal with.

I found this excerpt from another blog. It is really interesting. I'm not saying that I endorse these views but I wouldn't say they are unjustified:

To the gulled I ask, given that being blinded by entirely selfish reasons (motivation, nice feelings etc) you have helped Guglielmucci trivialise my own father’s suffering (amongst that of the throngs of others) why on Earth should I empathise and show pity for you? Your suffering is miniscule by comparison to the legions of people with terminal illness and your suffering is largely self-imposed as a result of your culture of non-thinking.

In the aftermath, I’m sure that the congregations of fans will be able to distinguish “the message” from the scam and that how Guglielmucci hasn’t detracted from, degraded or belittled the unbesmirchable message of their lord, Jesus Christ.It is a pity that they probably won’t consider how their cultural effluent, made up of whine, discarded brain-cells, self-absorption and un-digested twee, is degrading to humanity.

It wouldn’t be so bad (and I wouldn’t be complaining) if they didn’t externalise this crap onto the rest of us.

numb?

2008-08-21T16:38:00.000+12:00

I'm beginning to see more and more just how numb I am.

I think it must be a combination of things. I don't think the media helps in the slightest. I'm so used to seeing images of people dealing with the trauma in the wake of an earthquake, bomb scare or some other tragedy, that I don't think I know how to get my head around the fact that the image I am seeing is a real human. It's a jump I am not practiced in.

Subsequently, I see this reaction (or lack of) showing its ugly, apathetic face when confronted with someone who is suffering. I find it very difficult to sympathise and show compassion, because the harsh truth is that I just don't care enough to mean it.

The other day I had the privilege of sitting in on a meeting, where the man speaking was talking about his anguish in dealing with Cerebral Palsy, something he has dealt with his whole life. What he had to say was deeply moving and really spoke to me. Through his strained speech and many tears, he told us all his story over the past few years. It went something like this (highly paraphrased, my memory isn't perfect):

I came from a church background that focussed heavily on the future hope, of one day Jesus coming everything new again. They used to speak a lot about life after death and being made new then. It left me thinking 'But what about now? How am I supposed to face the day in, day out struggle of having a body that doesn't do what I want it to do? What about now?'

It was then that I began to read more widely, and a new set of authors, and I began to see that just trusting in this future hope was not the full story. I began to understand on a whole deeper level what the Gospel was, and begin to accept that tension as I discovered that God was really someone I could embrace. I began to see the Gospel as something that offered truth and grace that ran deeper than just fixing all my problems. I ended up going to do further study and discovering this more. It has been a hard period of study, and sometimes I can't deal with a body that I so often work to exhaustion. So sometimes I crash. And I'm crashing right now. I hold this tension very closely. But sometimes this tension can be extremely painful.

I think the reason that this got to me so much, was because on this rare occasion I was able to sit and listen to someone being completely open about pain, and to put a real, human face on this suffering. But more than that, I was able to hear the story of a life profoundly affected by suffering. We only have one life on this earth, and the thought of having to face the brutal reality of spending that time dealing with a serious disability I cannot begin to get my head around.

For me, this is why I am so interested in theology and learning about the things of God. I want to understand this Gospel that does have something to say about suffering like this. I have friends dealing with life-threatening illnesses, other friends dealing with the suicides of family members, and many that suffer from different forms of loneliness and depression. Death to the doctrine that says that Jesus wants to make everything okay for us. Death to the message that says that Jesus died to make us into nice people and live happily with 'joy'. Give God more credit than that. He came to do a deep work, and that requires deep engagement with the message of Jesus.

On a similar note, have a watch of this video that I found earlier this year, one that I have not been able to push from my mind since. A real person has to wake up to this reality every day.

stream of consciousness starts now

2008-08-18T21:46:00.000+12:00

I have been told off for church bashing before when attempting critiques. That's only from the one side. There are others that can't understand why I critique apparently so mercilessly when I seem to be speaking from ignorance when really I should be included within the critiques. Critique is good, when done with humility (which I will try to do) and yes, I am ignorant and I do include myself within these critiques. So here we go.

There has been so much talk lately of post-modernity and what it is or could be. Whatever post-modernity is, we have left the framework of modernity, and generally speaking, abandoned our hope in reason to take us forward. We no longer talk in terms of truth, but in truths, of which we cannot even agree what that means. In fact, we can't really agree on anything, because it's all up for grabs. Kierkegaard was right, in the world of ideas our age is putting on a veritable clearance sale.

This, of course, creates huge problems for any sort of argument or conversation for that matter. I am having more and more conversations in which questions are answered by the statement 'It depends what you mean..." We do, however, have opportunities that haven't presented themselves for a long time. Truth is so relative that hearing another's 'truth' isn't such a big deal. It is easier to be heard, not so easy to be taken seriously. Nevertheless, we must engage, read history and discern our place in time, wrestle with ideas and understand how our thinking is influenced.

Do we see the church doing this? Do we see the church at large in Auckland wrestling with the big questions of life and engaging with the ideas that shape our culture? Do we see the church taking part in these conversations and taking this window of opportunity and offering something valid to the table? Or do we see the church giving people what they want?

I'm only speaking from observation from visiting churches in Auckland and from conversations with Christians within the city, but it would seem to me that we are spending more time entertaining people with coloured lights, professional bands, humorous speakers and superficial conversations. No wonder higher numbers of people within Auckland are professing Christians than most others in the world, and no wonder many of these people are disillusioned, have fallen through the cracks and have made their way out of those huge, ominous back doors that these attractive churches have too. These churches seem to make it very easy for someone to join them, but then offer them nothing of substance on the inside - instead draining every ounce from them through servitude to their Sunday productions.

There is no wonder then why we have a city full of very Jesus-immune people and those who claim to love God, but want nothing to do with the church.

I love Auckland. And these great numbers of wanderers make me very sad. What makes me sadder is that I know that in many instances, I have contributed to the problem.

I love this city. This beautiful little big city, this amazing skyline, these beaches, this water, these people. This city of culture, this upstream city that leads the nation in many ways, this hub of activity, this city polluted with pretense, gang violence and culture clashes. This city that could be great. I want the church to be known as more than just a fashion parade, and a cliquey social club that sings repetitive songs about nothing, and doesn't know what to do with the important questions.

The challenge is huge.

But change is always a beautiful possibility, redemption always a beautiful reality.

the tension is here...

2008-08-15T18:10:00.000+12:00

Seeking to live with intent and striving after living a life that is meaningful brings with it a whole batch of new tensions - tensions that are good but can be incredibly difficult to live with in the day in, day out struggles. For me, these tensions reside within the unmissable gaps between who I am trying to be, and who I am.

To be aware of my capabilities and gifts and ways in which I am seeking to use them best are useful to recognise. They help me get direction and inspiration for a way forward, and see the wealth of possibilities before me. However, this is followed very closely by reality. Since writing my last post, I have been pondering what is most important to me and how I am living with it. This unavoidably presents to me all the ways in which I don't live to these aspirations. I am constantly confronted not just by just how much I waste my time on meaningless activity, but how in a lot of instances I feel I am moving in the opposite direction. Speaking with a lecturer the other day, I joked that I should perhaps take a year off uni and work, and go into the mountains to read, enjoy solitude and repent! This has truth in it unfortunately.

It is so hard to maintain intentional living day to day, and I often feel that stepping back for a time to get a grip on living, see everything for what it is and go from there is the only way to grow. More and more I am convinced that this is not so much a rare action to take once every new moon festival, but a lifestyle.

At the conference I went to last month, Mark Driscoll spoke briefly about this. I certainly don't agree with everything this man says, but he is extremely practical and reads culture well. He touched on living a life that isn't just caught up in action all the time, but is fueled by times of reflection and solitude. To be a church that is seeking to reach out and be active, this is extremely important. He made three main points:

1. Being full of the Holy Spirit is for missional purposes
2. Ministry is active and contemplative
3. Silence precedes speech, and contemplation precedes action.

I think my self- dissatisfaction mainly stems from my negligence of reflection and times to listen, remind myself of what is most important, and just be.

I am deeply challenged to change, and consequently to let things slow down too. I'm excited about who I'm becoming, but also incredibly frustrated with and sick of who I am. I am most definately a man who needs saving daily, but I want to close these gap every day.

It's a long shot...

all the time in the world

2008-08-12T19:08:00.000+12:00

Last night I watched a movie that moved me. I know that the blogosphere as been abuzz with this movie and reflections on it since its release, but The Bucket List had me crying like a baby in the last 10 minutes. It is a powerful challenge of making the most of your days and living with real intent. It tells the tale of two dieing men making the most of their last days by writing and then living out a list of things to do before they 'kick the bucket'.

A lot of the conversations that I have with people my age suggest that we tend to see our lives as something we don't have to think too much about yet, and we can relax because we have a lot of years to do what we have to do. Not a lot of people seem to be comfortable with looking at life as a number of days that we have been gifted with, a number that is shrinking every day.

When it comes to movies, I will admit that I'm a crier, but never without good reason. I don't well up when things get sad, but more when confronted with really beautiful things. Like the rarity and profound beauty in human interaction at its best.

Before this post gets way too emotional, let me give you a quote from a book I just read:

Imagine your funeral. Whatever is said there will make no difference to you. You'll be gone. But what would you want people to say because of how you lived? At the very least "I'm glad she was here. She made a difference for me." To face the fact of our own death is to speak and to walk into great darkness. It consumes or sets free. Reflecting on the German philosopher Martin Heidegger, William Barrett wrote:

"So long as death remains a fact outside of ourselves, we have not yet passed from the proposition of 'men die' to the proposition 'I am to die' ... the authentic meaning of death - 'I am to die' is not an external and public fact within the world, but an internal possibility of my own being... only by taking my death into myself, according to Heidegger, does an authentic existence become possible for me... though terrifying. The taking of death into ourselves is also liberating: it frees us from servitude to the petty cares that threaten to engulf our daily life and thereby opens us to the essential projects by which we can make our lives personally and significantly our own."

...the thought of death has a way of orienting us like no other human experience. Life is precious and death makes us realise it." (Mark Strom, Arts of the Wise Leader, p139)

I want to live intentionally. I want to live a rich life that blesses those around me and changes the world I find myself in. I want the world to be better because of my life. Before I lost the power of the moment after I saw the film and lost all of the important parts of my life that came to mind, I wrote my own bucket list. In no particular order and I'm sure the first of many newer versions...

1. Stay up a lot talking with good friends.
2. Stay up a lot making music with good friends.
3. Get to know God deeply.
4. To experience what it is like to be in love with another human being.
5. To experience God healing another person through me.
6. To open someone's mind dramatically to the grace of God.
7. To cry more.
8. To laugh more.
9. To fly business class, just once.
10. For my music to make someone cry, because it spoke to them in a really deep and profound way.
11. To live as a grateful man.
12. To make the most out of the people around me.
13. To live with the sense of the imminence of death every day.

open heart surgery

2008-07-18T06:27:00.000+12:00

I'm back from England, fresh from waking up at 4am this morning. I love jetlag, I seem to have been dealing with it for a long time now. But it's cool.

I have to say, I didn't expect to come back so changed and affected by the trip. I learned a lot about myself, the joys and pains of change and understanding the twists of life. A worthwhile trip in every sense and I am so grateful that I had the chance to visit my second home and see my second family.

Now, I'm not a big fan of long explanations and photo documentaries of people's trips myself, but I feel like it's got to be done - even just to get it out of my system. So here we go...

Si and I in Hong Kong airport.

Lunch with Si and Phil

The sights of Newcastle (this bridge is called 'The Winking Eye' - when it lifts up to let boats float underneath it looks like an eye. That's winking.

When this guy heard I was from New Zealand he was desperate to kiss me.

A monument in the place that John Wesley preached his first sermon in Newcastle.

Summer in Newcastle

Church in Newcastle - Si got about 4 rounds of applause when he got up to speak. I think they might like him a bit.

Flying over south England

Me and Emma (my sort of but not really sister) I love her a lot.

Sweet hotel room in Brighton

The Brighton conference. This conference was an amazing environment to be in, and I got to hear the legendary Mark Driscoll. When everyone sings together in this place, I tell you, one of the most beautiful sights and sounds in the world.

Beer on Brighton beach with an old friend.

The Brighton pier at night

Just like old times - shenanigans in the park.

Extreme swinging

I love Nick. Perhaps too much.

For those that haven't lived in two countries and have gone back and forth like I have, it's hard to explain what it's like going back. It opens you up to a whole bunch of emotions and memories that you didn't know you still had, and you're reminded of just how good it is to have two homes sometimes.

But it's good to be back. Just this morning I got up an looked across the ocean and couldn't believe my luck. Life is great, I am so blessed with all that I have and I'm so grateful to God for all of it. It's grace upon grace. Amazing.

greetings

2008-07-08T06:06:00.000+12:00

Hey everybody!

I was warned that I cannot blog my time over here away, so I may keep posts quite sparse, but wanted to give you the heads up about stuff I've been doing. So....

The flight was horrible. Less stops in between made it seem like a real marathon, however chats about theology and good new music on my ipod meant it was bearable. Just for the record, 'The Golden Compass' is a terrible movie, and 'The Departed' is incredibly depressing.

Stopped in Hong Kong for a couple of hours which is an amazing airport surrounded by mountains breaking through clouds. I think I discovered that bare feet in public is culturally insensitive there, and the hard way. I decided to go hobbit styles and walk around with no shoes and my pants rolled up and if looks could kill...

Went to Newcastle for the weekend (the home of Sting, Mark Knopfler and the stag/hen night central of Europe apparently), and visited a sister church up there. Awesome church, great people and made some cool new friends. One guy who I'd never met before took me out for a pizza and a beer and hung out with me despite my jetlag. Legend.

Found great source of entertainment in speaking with Geordies - the accents were what I'll politely call a challenge.

I'd forgotten just how thin the streets were over here, and although generally speaking English girls are better looking than their Kiwi counterparts, I'd never realised just how much more made up they are all the time. Kiwi girls are more natural. Just how I like 'em.

Another source of entertainment is the fact that I can't really tell the difference between the seasons that both New Zealand and England are in at the moment. Although I hear you guys are dealing with extremes?

And for the first time since I started living in Auckland, I can honestly say that New Zealand is now my home. I miss everyone heaps.

I'm off to the conference tommorow and I can't wait. Hopefully update y'all soon.

Kisses!

To the Land of Eng!

2008-07-02T17:52:00.000+12:00

For those of you out there who like to check my blog for a read, I apologise for the lack of attention that I've given this thing. I've been on placement for the last few weeks, which has been one of the most challenging, stretching, tiring but ultimately rewarding things I've done. I haven't slept enough or relaxed properly throughout but I've learnt a heck of a lot about myself and about teaching.

Anyhoo, the exciting news is that tonight I'm catching a plane to England. This trip was offered to me out of the blue and there is no way that I'd ever be able to pay for it myself, so I'm so grateful that I have the opportunity. I'm going over there primarily for a leadership conference, but also to travel a bit and see old friends. It's going to be sweetbix. Especially since I'm going on this trip with Simon - a great friend and mentor, who also happens to lead the church I'm a part of. No doubt I will be learning a lot again and having a great time chatting over theology and other good stuff.

I love getting out of New Zealand. I absolutely love my country, and my patriotism is only heightened when I am away, but I find that being stuck down in the rear end of the world can be a bit claustrophobic sometimes. It's also really great to be able to step away from routine like this and to have an experience that is unique - it helps me to evaluate my life more objectively and to have a good look at myself and be thankful for what I have. I expect this trip to be a great head-clearer and a chance to get to know myself better.

And of course to sleep finally. I feel like I could sleep for a month. And a half maybe.

So I'll try and keep this up to date while I'm away, hopefully with photos and stuff. I'm going to be in London and Brighton for a bit, which I'm kinda familiar with, and Horsham, where I used to live - but also Newcastle. Newcastle should be an experience in itself. I don't expect anyone to understand me there, and I'm a little less than confident about my abilities to translate the Geordie accent into English, but we shall see!

Love to all of your mothers

i know this is a cop out post, but i just can't say it better

2008-06-11T22:02:00.000+12:00

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in you I trust;
let me not be put to shame;
let not my enemies exult over me.
Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame;
they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.

Make me to know your ways, O Lord;
teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth and teach me,
for you are the God of my salvation;
for you I wait all the day long.

Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love,
for they have been from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
according to your steadfast love remember me,
for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!

Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in the way.
He leads the humble in what is right,
and teaches the humble his way.
All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness,
for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.

For your name's sake, O Lord,
pardon my guilt, for it is great.
Who is the man who fears the Lord?
Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose.
His soul shall abide in well-being,
and his offspring shall inherit the land.
The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him,
and he makes known to them his covenant.
My eyes are ever toward the Lord,
for he will pluck my feet out of the net.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
bring me out of my distresses.
Consider my affliction and my trouble,
and forgive all my sins.

Consider how many are my foes,
and with what violent hatred they hate me.
Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me!
Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness preserve me,
for I wait for you.

Redeem Israel, O God,
out of all his troubles.

the genius behind david and goliath

2008-05-31T22:17:00.000+12:00

We all know the tale - the Philistines in all their might lined up ready to attack the Israelites. The Philistines' most fearsome and notorious warrior is parading around in his amour taunting God's people and pleading for a challenger to take on. For some reason, a young shepherd boy by the name of David, decides that he can meet this challenge, and runs out there with a mere sling and stone, effectively telling the giant to shut his mouth and that the Lord has delivered him into his hand.

What follows is astonishing. The giant laughs and lets young David know that he's going to kill him and then feed him to the birds. David fires the stone, the stones makes contact with Goliath's forehead, and Goliath is slain. The young man then picks up the giant's own sword and chops off Goliath's head. The enemy is scattered, Israel has won, and David is the hero.

Because the Bible still speaks to us today, we know that this story is still relevant and has something to say to us, so let me unpack it for you. We all have 'goliaths' in our own lives - it could be a bully at school, an illness, or an abusive relationship. It could be an addiction to cocaine or the fact that your friends at school are drinking alcohol sinfully and are doing bad things with girls, and you have to take a stand. Whatever the case may be, these goliaths on the outset look impossible to overcome. How can we possibly defeat such adversity in our lives in the 21st century?

Well let's have a look at what our hero David did. He trusted God and picked up 5 stones. For us, our 5 stones to defeat the devil are prayer, worship, church, loving God, and prayer. With these we can totally overcome these huge adversities in our lives when we have faith in God like this too. Not only will God give us victory over this trial, but as you can see in this story, all the other trials of the enemy will flee when they see how much faith in God we have.

The awesome thing is, that this is the Bible, so we know we can stand on this lesson as being true. Remember: prayer, worship, church, loving God and prayer are all you need to overcome your goliaths.

In the next post: why I love 'The Prayer of Jabez' and '40 Days of Purpose' so much, the inspiration I found in 'All I Need Is You' by Hillsong United, and 5 steps to how Jesus can make you a happier person.

let him who boasts, boast in this

2008-05-30T16:57:00.000+12:00

A couple of days ago, two of my brothers got baptised. It was an amazing night, mainly because I got to hear these really inspiring stories from both of them, of how in one way or another, God got hold of them in ways they weren't ready for. Since then, they've both decided that the whole 'Christian' thing was for them and have now given their lives publicly to follow Christ.

I get really encouraged by the stories of other people like that, knowing that there's a whole lot of us running the race together, and reminds me of the journey that God's taken me on. Over the last few years after high school, I've basically been going through a period of massive deconstruction of what I believe, and then the subsequent beginnings of a reconstruction which is coming together piece by piece. It has been really hard at times, especially having just believed what I believed because it was easy - and now running into patches where I couldn't be sure of anything. One of the hardest patches was when I questioned the nature of the Bible and didn't want to touch the thing until I knew what I was dealing with.

The whole learning process has been really amazing though, because I have dug deeper for answers, and found out so much more depth to the Christian message, and so much weight to what I believe, that it has been continually blowing my mind. Now the gospel is a heck of a lot bigger and better than I ever thought it was, and I am really excited by what it all means for the world.

In the end, what this has lead me to, however, was an appreciation for God that above all, made me want to know Him more, to get to know the person of God, this famous God who had orchestrated all of this story throughout all of time, and continues to orchestrate today. The fact that I can approach Him on a personal level has way more to it now than it used to, and I'm incredibly thankful that I'm part of what He's doing - in one way or another, participating with Him.

Listening to Jeremiah one day, I was struck by a passage that has stuck really close to me ever since, and encourages me to pursue this mysterious God more. You'll find it in Jeremiah 9, and it reads:

Thus says the LORD
"Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom,
and let not the mighty man boast of his might,
let not a rich man boast of his riches;
but let him who boasts boast of this,
that he understands and knows Me,
that I am the LORD who exercises loving kindness,
justice and righteousness on earth;
for I delight in these things."

God is good

2008-05-13T17:30:00.000+12:00

So I finally have a pocket of time to blog.

Last weekend Rhys and I decided to escape the smog, trek out of Auckland and stay in Pauanui to clear our heads. It was a good time. I got chased by a dog. We had a two-man dance party.

The real story, though, is our trip back, which is only a story because I screwed up. A week and a half earlier I had punctured a tyre, which was a first for me. I then had to change that tyre. Another first for me. To add salt in the wound, the person who taught me was not only female, but also an uber cool TV reporter. Embarrassing.

Mistake #1: I did not replace my spare tyre.

Dumbass.

By the time that our tyre had punctured, we were a good 20k from civilisation, and about an hour and a half south of Auckland. Stuck on a main road in between two different insignificant destinations with 3 working tyres and with a dad in Auckland who only went as far as telling me I was a silly boy - we got desperate.

I even hitch-hiked to a nearby service station for inflate and seal foam with a tyre, which ended up not working.

Mistake #2 - seal/inflate foam does not work on tubeless tyres.

Queue the quad squad.

To cut a long story short, after much prayer, telling God we needed some sort of miracle, and then an impending sense of defeat and giving up on it all on my part, 3 guys turned up with a spare tyre that just so happened to fit my car. And these guys just so happened to be going to Auckland too.

Mistake #3 - leaving Pauanui with no gas in the tank

These guys had just saved our asses once, and now they did it again - they just so happened to have a container of spare petrol in the trailer, and filled us up. Amazing. We were then taken to their friend's place down the road where they pumped up our tyres, fixed everything up and sent us on our way.

Mistake #4 - doubting God

I a complete dumbass and God decided to do something amazing, me and Rhys were basically in hysterics trying to deal with all the disbelief. If God hadn't done all of that, we would have been screwed. I actually remember telling Rhys that I thought the whole ordeal was worth it just to see what God did.

I don't know if he feels the same way.

I'm actually not even sure if he still calls me his friend.

You can check out his more detailed and articulate version of the story here, along with my video that he stole for his blog. I'll let it slide this time, but hey, I guess it's the least I can do.

I will try and be more responsible.

on being contributive

2008-05-08T19:54:00.000+12:00

“One of the greatest challenges facing civilisation in the twenty-first century is for human beings to learn to speak about their deepest personal concerns – about ethics, spiritual experience, and the inevitability of human suffering – in ways that are not flagrantly irrational. We desperately need a public discourse that encourages critical thinking and intellectual honesty. Nothing stands in the way of this project more than the respect we accord religious faith.” (Sam Harris, Letter to a Christian Nation, p87)

One of the greatest speaking points on blogs at the moment is the age old Christianity vs atheism/agnosticism/ theism/deism/everyone else battle. This struggle to push God out of the picture has been around as long as sin and the huge ontological arguments that accompany it have taken on many different forms, and emphases have changed depending on the culture. As a post-modern society, from my understanding, we have moved from the modern debate which focussed more on hard fact and science and what we call 'apologetics', to the post modern debate, which seems to be focusing more on the experience and finding something 'truthy'.

From the atheist corner, a lot of good, provocative books (albeit sensationalist at times) have been published over recent years - most notably 'The God Delusion' by Richard Dawkins, 'The End of Faith' by Sam Harris, 'God is Not Great' by Christopher Hitchens and books by Dan Dennett. I've read the first three authors and liked a lot of what they had to say, but admittedly their use of Scripture and what they choose not to discuss lets them down. I would probably recommend reading these guys who have been proclaimed as 'the best of the bunch' against Christianity and religion at the moment, just so you're up with the play of what is being discussed.

My favorite author of the bunch is Sam Harris, not just because we share a first name, and not just because he seems to be writing out of a genuine concern rather than arrogance, but because his general critique of the church is usually really valid and worth listening to. What Harris and the others seem to be criticising the church most for is their lack of engagement. He argues that our nonsensical devotion to silly dogma means that we can't really enter into a reasonable discussion about anything, and because of this, it causes us to disengage with the rest of society.

Is he really that far off the mark? I don't think so. I don't think the church in general has proved this accusation to be false. Do we bring much of value to the table for society? We defend and entrench ourselves a lot, and tell people when we don't like something done the way it is, and then our over-spiritualisation of everything means we tend to forget that the Gospel is far more earthy, and beneficial to every area of life. It tends to end up with 'I'm right and you're wrong' most of the time and this is really discouraging.

Now, I'm not bagging every Christian here - I know a heck of a lot of believers that have educated themselves and have a firm grasp on what the true message of Jesus is, but I would like to argue that Harris is an important author for Christians to read, not only because it means we are engaging with the epistemological arguments and conversations of our times, but also because I think it is important to listen to the criticisms that Harris brings.

Too many of us are ‘religious moderates’ - but not in the same sense that he means, we just do not take what we say we believe seriously enough. I think too many of us are blindly defending dogma without properly giving thought to what the Bible says, and becoming too easily entangled with prudish legalism, making us forget our responsibilities concerning justice. I think that much of the reason that Harris is adamant that faith is in fact the antithesis of reason is because not enough contemplatives with a Biblical worldview have engaged in a reasonable discourse with others of different worldviews. I think for the large part, Harris is justified in his accusations against the church.

This isn't church bashing - this is speaking out of concern. I hope this doesn't sound angry, because there is always hope. I'll leave you with another one of his quotes:

You believe that your religious concerns about sex, in all their tiresome immensity, have something to do with morality. And yet, your efforts to constrain the sexual behaviour of consenting adults – and even to discourage your own sons and daughters from having premarital sex – are almost never geared toward the relief of human suffering. In fact, relieving suffering seems to rank rather low on your list of priorities. Your principal concern appears to be that the creator of the universe will take offense at something people do while naked. This prudery of yours contributes daily to the surplus of human misery.” (p25-26)

the case for the beard

2008-05-07T18:07:00.000+12:00

For the last 4 months or so I have had a new friend residing on the lower half of my face. It is my beard, and I love him. After the initial shock that people seemed to have had to recover from, and looks of disapproval from most others that I had to recover from, it seems the idea has gradually warmed quite well on people. And the more I accomodate this fine creature that accentuates my visage, the more I think he will be a permanent fixture.

Now I know this isn't good news for everyone. For anyone that has known me longer than 4 months, they will know that the face underneath is worth keeping uncovered, but this is really subjective and isn't taking into consideration all the other benefits of growing a bit of man fuzz. Let me explain.

Firstly, the only objection I really tend to get from people (usually female) is 'I just don't like facial hair' or 'it looks messy' or 'who would want to kiss that?' The last one is the primary argument that my mother uses to convince me to shave (in fact while I'm here, I wonder just how much of this post is basically a blast back at my mum... I'll leave that ponderation there for now). Increasingly, however, people have been commenting that it actually suits me. So in light of this extremely weak and desperate argument, I would like to put together my exhaustive and irrefutable list of reasons why it's good that I have a beard.

1. Firstly, and most importantly, it makes me look older. I have always had the problem of looking at least 2 years younger than I really am, and this isn't cool. Especially when trying to get into bars and clubs. It's good to now be able to avoid the ever-dreaded question 'You're 21?! Really?! Man you age well...' That's not a compliment. What I have discovered is that the beard actually adds about 4 years to my apparent age look - people now guess about 23 on average, rather than 19. And I don't get asked for ID. For me, this is nothing short of ground breaking.

2. It defines the contours of my face. Yes, this is a gay reason. But it's true. My face isn't the typical Backstreet Boy sculpted face with defined cheek bones. No, I have a baby face, and the beard gives the illusion of of a chiseled facial structure.

3. It makes me look more of a muso than I really am. What I lack in musical prowess and technical ability I now make up with a beard.

4. I get immediate respect from other males. At my age, not everyone can grow a beard, and so I immediately get respect from lesser specimens of the male genre who have been relegated to the 'bum fluff' group. Also, the fact that I keep it well groomed and tidy with my handy Gillette beard-trimmer means that I don't look like a hobo, but just very manly, and very stylish. Very.

5. It is a handy storage area for spare food. Often (and mostly after being notified by someone else) I will find the remains of breakfast (maybe a hint of a cornflake or a dab of milk) in my facial hair, and this is not only a pleasant surprise but a valued and nutritious supplement to my diet.

6. I look more like Jesus. If I can't be like Jesus in the proper sense, then I might as well try and do it aesthetically - He can see my heart and realise that I am really giving the imitation thing a go.

7. It sticks it to the man. Having a beard effectively proclaims to the rest of society that you're anything but a conformist. You're saying 'I don't need your clean-shaven approval - I will keep my beard because if it was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!' Trust me, Time magazine had an article on this one.

8. It's easier to scare small children. ...

9. If you lack a pet, beard stroking is an agreeable replacement. People have their comfort habits, and whether it be knuckle cracking, over eating, over talking, fiddling or a twitch, they are important mechanisms. Over the course of the last four months I have sought refuge in the stroke of my beard and have not been disappointed.

10. Chuck Norris has one.

Next to this infallible list of reasons, I'd like to see how your 'Facial hair sucks!' argument stacks up. Take that mum!

sometimes you can't make it on your own

2008-05-05T12:48:00.000+12:00

I'm single. Sometimes it really isn't cool.

Sometimes it's really good. You realise you really don't have much to offer another person anyway, and you'd rather use your time (and money) doing your own thing, in your own way, than have to cram someone else into your schedule. And sometimes girls are just completely ridiculous and you can't wait to get away to talk with rational human beings (males). Sometimes friends are enough too - there's a real beauty to being there for someone and having them look out for you, without wanting anything back, and not doing it out of obligation just because you're 'in a relationship'. Sometimes you get so taken up with the big picture and ideas that go beyond your lifetime, that details like girls fade blissfully into insignificance.

But sometimes they don't. Sometimes none of that is enough.

Sometimes being single is really crap. You're not number one on anyone's list. You don't have anyone you can steal lovin' from without asking. It's just you. And I don't find myself the most interesting company in the world

And, in most cases, if you want a good dose of salt in the wound, you go and say all this to a Christian, preferably one who is quite fluent in Christianese and literate in the ancient Christianese sayings. In which case, prepare yourself for answer something along the lines of 'You need to be completely satisfied in God' or 'just trust in Him, he has a perfect plan and purpose for you life'. Other times you may get a 'Where's your faith?' or 'You should be seeking after the person of God, not love in the earthly sense.' And sometimes you'll simply get a 'you'll find your princess one day' which not only makes me want to lose my food but has absolutely no value in helping the present situation at all.

I think it's so important to be real, especially with stuff like this, stuff that tinkers along the edges of loneliness. Often in churches it feels like you have to put on a face and be happy because you know Jesus and being a believer is so much better than not, because before you were a Christian you were a porn addicted alcoholic who killed people and listened to Korn, and now everything is fine, and you're listening to Casting Crowns. This is not how it is in the Bible. In fact, most of the Psalms are basically the blues. They're writings of whining, of crying in desperation, of accusing God, of being angry and frustrated with Him, and certainly of confusion. It's good to be real.

And so I'll be real too. God where is my girl? Seriously, where is she? I don't want to give you a criteria, I would just like her to turn up. It would be really nice if you did that soon. I'm pretty sure you're the one that said that 'it is not good for man to be alone'. I am a man. I am alone. Therefore, it is not good. In fact while you're busy getting her for me, would you kindly pass on this message:

"Hey, it would be great if you just showed up some time. I'm getting a bit sick of all this waiting around crap. Too much of my life is happening without you and I'm going through too much without sharing it with you. I'm sure that's not how you want it to be, so don't worry about being girly (late). Just come and ride shotgun in my car. I've got a heck of a lot I want to share with you - music I have to show you, and places to walk. So do the honorable thing and turn up.

Honestly."

shameless self promotion

2008-05-02T17:49:00.000+12:00

We are gonna rock so rockingly.

my gay hero

2008-05-01T00:49:00.000+12:00

Rufus Wainwright has written some of my favourite music. He's told listeners and readers in interviews that he's a genius, which would usually switch me off. But he's right. Rufus is way cool.

More than anything, I am really intrigued his lyrics. They seem to me to be really prophetic - not in the sense of foretelling the future, but in the sense that it was used primarily within the Bible - as a timely message to make the people aware of how they needed social change and a reassessment of how they were living - I think Arcade Fire are the same category here. Wainwright is an important artist to listen to, because he is a spokesman for the gay community, and one who clearly labours over his art, and articulates his thoughts cleverly. He's also important to listen to because he isn't 'in-your-face-gay' which seems to be rampant throughout most of the media. He's just honest, intelligent and his thoughts are worthy of consideration.

Anyway, in light of the conversation that has been going on in the comments of the last post, I want to turn your attention to some of his lyrics that deal with how he reacts to the treatment he he has recieved in white, conservative, predominantly Christian values-laden America:

Do I disappoint you, in just being human?
And not one of the elements, that you can light your cigar on
Why does it always have to be fire?
Why does it always have to be brimstone?
Desire
Cool this body down
- "Do I Dissapoint you?" from the album 'Release the Stars'

Tell me, do you really think you go to hell for having loved?
Tell me, enough of thinking everything that you've done is good
I really need to know, after soaking the body of Jesus Christ in blood
I'm so tired of America
- "Going to a Town" from the album 'Release the Stars'

Men reading fashion magazines
Oh what a world
It seems we live in
Straight man
Oh what a world
We live in
- "Oh What a World" from the album 'Want One'

He will then be reborn
From 1970's porn
Wearing tubesocks with style
And such an innocent smile

Better pray for your sins
Better pray for your sins
'Cuz the gay messiah's coming
- "Gay Messiah" from the album 'Want Two'

Now, before people start questioning my sexual orientation or my theological stance on homosexuality, let me say that I don't endorse his view. I just think it's very interesting to see what it looks like on the receiving end of what I talked about before. This is not an ignorant man singing songs to voice an over-reaction, but someone who is intelligently articulating what it's like to live in a society in which people are treated like failures because of their sexual preference.

We apparently have a message of grace. Apparently this grace is available to everyone. Apparently there is level ground at the cross. Why is none of this being heard? Why does nothing but vicious intolerance seem to get airtime? What can we do?

Well, for a start... Rufus Wainwright, I love you.

good news/bad news

2008-04-29T10:47:00.000+12:00

I couple of posts back I launched into a huge rant about how I think that often, the Gospel gets reduced from just how huge it really is. But at least with a reduced Gospel, you still have a good news - Jesus dying for your sins and being with God forever is still pretty good news in my books. Learning of the need of humanity and the opportunity to be reconciled with God is a great message. We need to understand as much as we can that the Gospel is for the whole of life, and consistently be working out what that means. There is, however, a far more tragic expression of this same message throughout parts of the world today.

This message is one that is turning people away from Christianity by the thousands because it has been getting a lot of attention due to its nature. This is the expression of Christianity that is used for fuel in arguments such as Richard Dawkins' 'The God Delusion' and another book that I finished recently, 'God Is Not Great' by Christopher Hitchens. These are guys that are arguing how unnecessary Christianity is for the world, and sometimes going beyond that, saying that it is actually at a detriment to humanity. This should come as a shock to people who know the heart of Christianity, which professes to be the opposite. What I am talking about is a graceless gospel.

While reading 'The God Delusion', Dawkins turns the reader's attention to a site appropriately named 'The American Taliban'. I was absolutely devastated by what I found. Take a look at some of the juiciest quotes made by leaders of "evangelical" Christianity:

"Hear the word of the LORD, America, fag-enablers are worse than the fags themselves, and will be punished in the everlasting lake of fire!"
"You telling these miserable, Hell-bound, bath house-wallowing, anal-copulating fags that God loves them!? You have bats in the belfry!"
"Not only is homosexuality a sin, but anyone who supports fags is just as guilty as they are. You are both worthy of death."
- Fred Phelps

"We had lost the fight for the preservation of the white race until God himself intervened in earthly affairs with AIDS to rescue and preserve the white race that he had created.... I praise God all the time for AIDS."
"AIDS is a racial disease of Jews and Niggers, and fortunately it is wiping out the queers. I guess God hates queers for several reasons. There is one big reason to be against queers and that is because every time some white boy is seduced by a queer into becoming a queer, means his white bloodline has run out."
"If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being."
- Jerry Falwell

"I want you to just let a wave of intolerance wash over. I want you to let a wave of hatred wash over you. Yes, hate is good...Our goal is a Christian nation. We have a biblical duty, we are called by God to conquer this country. We don't want equal time. We don't want pluralism."
- Randall Terry

"Oh, you're one of the sodomites. You should only get AIDS and die, you pig. How's that? Why don't you see if you can sue me, you pig. You got nothing better than to put me down, you piece of garbage. You have got nothing to do today, go eat a sausage and choke on it."
- Michael Savage

It is interesting to note that this last quote was made on national television. I could have used far more of these quotes, but you get the idea. I can't tell you how angry this made me. The problem with this is that it is only part of a much wider problem. If this is what people are hearing as the message of Christianity, why on earth would anyone want anything to do with it? If I thought that it was all about the condemnation of homosexuals and non-believers then I would not only have nothing to do with it, but I am sure that I would be passionately against Christianity. Dawkins, Hitchens, Harris and the multitude of atheist writers would be my heroes. If they honestly believe that this is what it is all about, then I can't blame them for writing and thinking like they do. These spokesmen of Christianity, in my opinion, have completely robbed the Gospel of what lies at the very heart of it - grace.

In New Zealand the problem isn't quite as pressing or explicit as it is in countries like America, but we do still have churches that preach nothing but a condemnation of homosexuals and law of a 10% tithe. What we do seem to have worldwide, though, is a group of people that only seem to speak up when they don't like something. I wonder how many people know what Christianity is for, rather that just what it is against. Anyone could tell us that we are against abortion, homosexuality and civil union bills. But does anyone know that we are for the redemption of everything? That we want to see them become fully human? As I read the above quotes, I could almost imagine Jesus choosing to side with the afflicted homosexuals and identifying with them at the back, rather than endorsing the uber-religious claims of these men and women. I'll leave you with a quote from John Stonestreet, a man who always says it better than me:

"Unfortunately, the church is strangely quiet on a number of issues. And, when it is not silent, it's message is often only reactive, rather than truly contributive to that culture. Essentially, contemporary Christianity seems to lack anything that can be considered truly thoughtful cultural engagement."

I want to change this.

the cult of sincerity

2008-04-25T02:36:00.000+12:00

It's 2:30am and I'm not sure why, but I can't sleep. Again. But this is a pretty cool thing I found on some site. It's a lil' free movie of an hour and a half. So if you've got some time, give it a watch, some pretty cool quotes in there. I enjoyed it, for a free movie.

While you're in the mood, click here and give my friend Bradley's short movie, 'Love and Kisses' a watch, and give him a nice vote. I actually just acted in another one of his short movies. It was really intense and I got to do lots of shouting and crying and smashing stuff. Maybe one day I'll have a link for that too.

Tonight before going to bed, I listened to this. A talk delivered by the legendary Mark Driscoll entitled 'Good Sex/Bad Sex'. Maybe all that talk about sex is the reason I can't sleep.

Hmmmm awkward.

i have cool friends

2008-04-24T18:36:00.001+12:00

Samantha is one of the coolest people I know. She lives in Dunedin now with all her uni peeps but every time she comes up it is totally sweet because our 'thing' is to go op-shopping together around the city. It's always a swell time.

Op-shopping is rad because not only are we too poor as students to shop at real stores, but we tend to find the coolest stuff together and Sam is the best second opinion I know. She's also super-smart and doing law so we get to have fun conversations about politics, religion, death and life over coffee in the cafes, while checking out our purchases. We get to pretend we're as cool as all the city kids.

Today's conversation consisted of the political climate in New Zealand, the free trade agreement with China, Jehovah's witnesses, Christianity, New Zealand gangsters, old flames, suicide, assignment injustices and music. Music talk is excellent because Sam has uber good taste in music and educates me musically with bands I wouldn't even think about listening to.

We walked up Queen St singing Rufus Wainwright together while she filled me in on how unlucky I was not to go to his concert because it was really, really good. I wasn't impressed but I still love her anyway.

Sam is also one of the most genuine people I know, and she was up in Auckland secretly to surprise her family and spend some time with her mum, but she still made time to hang out with her old pal Sam for the day, so that was totally cool.

10 points Sam, you beautiful thing you.

why theology is always important

2008-04-23T11:13:00.000+12:00

I've had a lot of interesting conversations lately, sometimes with like-minded people, sometimes with people who see things completely differently. I'm so stoked to see just how many people are getting into what the Gospel really is, and are having their minds blown by it over and over. This is completely true for me - it seems the more I learn about God and the Gospel, the more I can't believe how good it all is, and I'm left in a place of sheer thankfulness. When you learn something new about the Gospel or the God behind it, it can't stay as head knowledge -it will always permeate into your heart and leave you wanting to know more.

Other conversations, however, have been a bit more frustrating and confusing, and these are perhaps the conversations that I'm having trouble working out what to do with. These conversations are often with people who I think have been offered a very reduced view of the Gospel, and that's not necessarily their fault. One of the things I am most passionate about in this world is reclaiming the hugeness of the Gospel, and getting rid of some of the misrepresentation of it. Often in church, we are told something along the lines of "Jesus died on the cross for your sins, so now your sins are forgiven and you've got a free ticket to Heaven. Until you get to Heaven, stick around here on Earth, sing worship songs and try to make other people into Christians." By no means am I saying that Jesus dying for your sins and eternity with him isn't true -I absolutely do believe that. And evangelism in the sense that it is most often used is incredibly important. All I am trying to articulate is that its not just that. It's more than personal salvation. It's even more than just salvation of your spirit. It's nothing less than the redemption of the entire cosmos.

Now these are huge claims, I know. And I may sound cynical or sarcastic at times, and I know that too. But underneath all that I'm actually pretty upset and perhaps a little angry that the message is so often reduced down to a very 'Me and Jesus' type message, and never goes beyond that. Whenever the Gospel was preached by the apostles and disciples, it was never simply 'Say the prayer and you will be saved' but they always embedded that in the story of redemption. Have a look at Acts 2 for example. The individual is still very important, but it's never the end point.

There is a heck of a lot more I could go into on this, but this is a blog and I know what internet attention spans are like, because I have one too.

But let's have a look at the Gospel again and move beyond personal salvation without discarding it. Let's talk and think about what the Gospel looks like when embodied into the Arts, into Music, into Economics, into Curriculum, into Architecture, into Business, into Marketing, into Law, and Heaven forbid, into Science. If we really believe that God is 'making all things new' then he really means all things! Not just us! It means everything! Suddenly what we are part of is far bigger than we ever imagined. It blows our minds that we are even part of this amazing plan to restore everything. We are part of something that will last forever - we are helping to usher in the Kingdom!

Often when I go off on one like that, I will get the response 'Oh, that's nice for you, because you're into all that. You like all your deep thinking and theological discussions and thats obviously something you're gifted in' - and thats where the conversation ends. Let me suggest that its not just for people who are keen on knowing more, at all. This is life changing, life directing stuff. We need to strive to understand what it all means, because people deserve to know what the message of Jesus really is. It is bigger than the person hearing it, but it includes them and it always points to Christ.

We need to really think about what we believe, because I think we'd be all agreed that what we believe has a serious impact on how we live. If I believed that I would die 24 hours, that would seriously affect how I would use my time over the next 24 hours. Belief and living are so intertwined that assessing what we believe is so vitally important. And moving beyond an individualistic view of salvation has so significantly broadened my view of my God, that I have become set on communicating that to others.

Thanks for reading this far.

Ugh.

2008-04-13T22:22:00.000+12:00

Manthisistheworstpartofanything.

I'm up late on a Sunday night before the Monday that my assignment is due. I haven't started and I've had all weekend to do it - and it's not like I've been a social animal either. I'm just lazy.

I'm also kinda sick and I need a full night of sleep.

I have, however, discovered a whole heap of random crud on the internet for you to enjoy if you so wish.

This looks like an interesting movie - the first intelligent intelligent design endorsing movie? The Summit blog found this for me.

This is is absolutely hilarious. Actually, now that I'm on the subject of David O'Doherty, so is this.

Incredibly useful tool:

You never know.

Good ol' xkcd.

This is me jamming with my pal Rhys. 10 points for anyone who can count all of my mistakes.

And if you have a whole heap of time free and a brain to keep active, this is gold.

Spare a thought for me. Sitting by my computer. All hunched over. Eyes so tired they're getting itchy.

Oh before I finish, I was wondering if there is such a thing as 'post modern comedy'? All the popular humour around at the moment is all self defeatist and accepting of our 'non special' identity that John Mayer was talking about - and it's got me wondering if there's a comedic zeitgeist of self-ridicule or the idolizing of the loser?

I will do some research. When I have time. That was possibly a lame, last-ditch attempt at looking deep and intelligent in this post.

It's an interesting thought.

Right now I should really study.

dfh j fhrejgrighghf wekhighighirhgirthgortghrtopghoehfegerg!!!@@**?$$!!!!!

John Mayer updated his blog

2008-04-12T13:18:00.000+12:00

Not only is this quite an event, but its not often that we get a post like this. Most of the time Mr Mayer is an egotistical poser who knows that he's got talent, but sometimes we get posts like this:

"I'm not the first person to admit we're all self conscious, Kanye was. But what I want to do is to shed a little light on why we're all in the same boat, no matter the shape of the life we lead: because every one of us were told since birth that we were special. We were spoken to by name through a television. We were promised we could be anything that we wanted to be, if only we believed it and then, faster than we saw coming, we were set loose into the world to shake hands with the millions of other people who were told the exact same thing.

And really? Really? It turns out we're just not all that special, when you break it down. Beautifully unspectacular, actually. And that truth is going to catch up with us whether we want to run from it or not. The paparazzo following me to the gym ain't gonna be Herb Ritts and the guy he's following ain't gonna be Bob Dylan. It's just a matter of how old you are once you embrace that fact. And for me, 30 sounds about right."

Read the whole thing here.

He's a clever guy and knows how to write, but he has a pretty interesting way of looking at things. I personally don't think I'm going to find redemption in going to shows and wearing hoodies to dinner.

Oh and yes, I know this is the fourth or fifth time I've started a blog. But this one looks the coolest so far, so things are looking brighter for this baby. I just had to get writing again, not only because Tony Pierce said so, but because there is so much going on in my head that I'm going a bit mental and can't sleep. If you're anything like me, you're always looking for something to read on the net - so I don't mind being a stop over.

mmhmmm.

Kids without shoes...

2008-04-11T15:15:00.000+12:00

brevietesalutkiaorahellobonjourambobulaholashalomkonichiwa